Post nombor 11

So hard to believe that I'm not aftering the glory or fame? The "I don't care" mode is really disturbing others? Sorry if I hurt anyone.

But after what I've experienced long time ago, what's the point of chasing something when you could have spend a lil more time caring the one around you even just a simple line. I bet some would say it's all about how you manage your time to manage it.  

I do have things to go after, but not career. I care more in the people around me after I've realized fame is not everything. Studying hard, get excellent good grades, so?

Probably that time was too young. But knowing the fact behind the story struck me. Realizing she's away from school, thought it's just a normal sick leave like she used to have. After exams, I was told what had happened and that she had requested the others not to inform me as she knew that I was having exams, did not want to disturb me. Such thoughtful of her at such young age. 

Too late for the planned visit and never knew msn was the last conversation we had. It ended with me asking where's she since there's no response. From then onwards, I lost a friend, a sister although we've known just less than two years. I still had the watch she put on my wrist for my birthday. Guess she noticed that I did not have a watch. I even remembered the teacher who had commented cold heartedly on the loud cries of my other friend after hearing the announcement of her departure. Tears just can't stop dropping. 

Most people have moved on but it impacted me a lot. What if the moment you get closer to someone and the person is gone. In my dictionary, there's no such thing as good friend or best friend. Friend is friend, why differentiate? Categorizing it under best friend will make me have the feeling of scared of losing someone. It hurts a lot.

Post nombor 10

Greater power comes with greater responsibilities, and also greater time spent on you know.. Screw the pessimism. Not supposed to spread around the electrons, conceal it and let it out some where, not to people around you as it'll demotivate them somehow. 

Had a rough week last week and higher level of pressure from every corner. Can't stop the hot tears rushing out. Nah.. I'm Strong on the outside as perceived by others but Strong on the outside won't put food on your table. Mentally should be strong as well. I'm Controlling hard now and finding ways of releasing it at the right way.

Been stoning there since the evening, emotionless while driving, finding the right channel for the right song that suits my mood, tired till the extent of lazy to let the gold in my mouth to spill out.

I need to think what's in me that I want to see myself as.

Post nombor 9

Start to get sick. Not the kind of sick where you will need to lie down on the bed. It's practically the part where you want to just stay out of their game of life. Sadly to say, we will need to go through this in life.
 
Want to know how that human is like? A simple game that involved a team can show part of it. Let's say each of them wanting to prove themselves to be the one standing out in the team, you can kiss goodbye to the winning. Supposingly there's a plan for the team, striving to win all of it together. And this game is not a performance to show what YOU are good at, it's the stage for "you all" to show what you have to work things out as a team to make it shine.

Ok done with my short comprehensive essay. Just a thought of the past week.

 

Post nombor 8

Will this affect us? The thing that I have been avoiding all this 3 years - job performance review. It's not that I want to know how have I been doing cz I know what should I be rated, it's the process that we have to go through to fight for ourselves like mad.

Is recognition really really that important? I just want to stay low. This year, would need to fight for the team, no choice as people seems to put a lot of faith and competition on each of us to fight.

But it seems like it is drifting away, slowly tearing the team spirit on this, I rather just put a stop on this. I seriously can see this will be a start to create more unnecessary issues, unpleasant ones. I will fight if it won't cause any of those negative things to happen.

I seriously don't like the feeling.

Post nombor 7

I think something did triggered me last time to have this choice disorder~named it myself.

Don't know what or when or how but I am still afraid of making choices, giving answers, especially not knowing what the choice that you have made will lead you to, or how it will even affect you or others. As the higher you're at, the more responsibilities laid on your shoulders, the more decisions laid on your hands, tick tock tick tock waiting for you to decide own and other's outcome.

Don't like this feeling. What if you made others life worse. Feel the insecure... =(

Post nombor 6

Gloomy Sunday.

Suddenly I find no purpose in life. Eat, work, sleep. Routine things. No other things? Sad case. My friend was like telling me, don't we have other friends? Erm I don't know. My Social network is like this small, showing her the handful sign. 

Wanted to pass for my exam but I'm not studying. Study to fail or fail to study? Nowadays that piece of paper worth a lot. Maybe? What's after passing the paper? Question marks

Find targets and start achieving. 

To travel overseas at least twice a year with the money earned.

To buy a car since my car is gonna be my brother's soon.

Post nombor 5

Seems like only when I have no mood, I would do a post huh? True.. If I have the mood, I wouldn't have sit here and do this. Instead, I would have done something else.

Ahhh right... it's all about work huh.. OK I set aside my job on Saturday and that's it. All about me time. Brunchie with friend, gym with friend...

Total mood screwed on Tuesday. Got to message a friend of mine telling her part of the story.. Shed tears when I saw her positive response on me having the urge to just drive down to her in the evening. Can't do too obvious since I'm sitting in the middle of crowd. But ya, I forgotten that I had a meeting that day itself. So, plan abandoned. However, problem was indirectly solved before the evening, not by me. Think about it, I'm creating more problems and not solving them?? Not a thing I'm good at.. Something to ponder on.

Labour day~ Finally recalled back what I had on that day, woke up earlier, drove to Klang to have dimsum after my junior's stocktake. Woah I managed to watch series during the waiting time. Not bad.. finally some time to watch the unfinished series - Mimi. Due to the total regret of eating too much, gym right away after klang.

Friday was a day after labour day. Labour day mood still there huh? Got up late, reached office late, but went home early, to continue on work. Had a night out at The Roof. Bailed out by a friend, that made me finished the 2 pints that we had ordered, as we expected her to show up after the dinner. Nahh nevermind, at least I got a good sleep after that =P

Sleeping time~ to have early breakfast and work tomorrow.

Post nombor 4

Saturday - 26 April 2014 - Sunny I guess..

Supposed to go for blood test today. Ended up slacky, plus results might be inaccurate after the lil bit of drinking the night before..

Yesterday I kept pestering my colleague who's just sitting beside me on "It's Friday you know hahaha and why am I still here" I think no reaction is given. Forgotten dy la.. oh well. So in the end I've decided to screw the work and just send in a text to say I'm going home and I've no mood. Should be the long work throughout the whole week.

Nevermind, afterall I have enjoyed the days everyday.

Time for some "don't know what to do" mode.
Pack? Clean up? Eat? Slack? Bathe? ahhhhh I don't know... here comes the choice disorder attacking~~~~



toot toot toot.... nombor yang anda dail...



 

Post nombor 3

Stay positive, reshuffling of time - Go back on time and spend time in studying.

Tonight do everything and submit. Go back chap notes.

Self discipline~~ Fingers crossed.

 

Post nombor 2

Ok tired. Who's not? No need to complain, it's my choice to be here.

1 week study leave, study what leh??? 

Suan... at least the job should be something to follow up. No wor.. it's entirely new. brand new shitty ones. Emotionless dy.
Hmm do something like the song from Frozen.. "Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know~~"

Get hospitalised also better, at least got time to breathe.

休息是为了走更长的路

 

Post nombor 1

Yep.. I'm back again to this secluded place where I usually hmm put my tantrums on since I will be the only one reading it and recalling back everything that was written last time.

Last two days been spending one hour throwing tantrums on the past two days work to, of course my friends who ajak me out of a sudden to just makan. They keep listening, questioning, and all I do is, "you wait, you listen, haven't reach that part" hahhahahaha
Ok I'm grateful I have a team, open ones, fun ones, and helpful ones =) Truly appreciate it. Lucky to have good teams ever since I've started work, small team big team. Of course, this time is bigger, closer, AND bigger appetite too =P

Lucky to have them. You know that everything will be ok cz we've got each other's back, even though we've moved on to other jobs. Ahhh suddenly thought of a line quoted by her, hmmm "I save your half ass, you save my half ass, together we are a pair of good ass" hahhahahahahha joker la she OK Now.. I'm sitting here, of course facing the machine, lacking the mood to work. Wah liao no energy.. slept enough but look deadly. Figures are everywhere, and I don't know how the hack those figures should be placed in this piece of shit. Nevermind, It's OK, cz SHIT happens I, as usual like to hide myself at somewhere I feel secured and rot there. ROT? ya ROT. Don't need to social with unnecessary outings. Hmm. I think I am already at that state. Just a few outings with the closer ones. Hanging out, catching up or even creating nonsense out of no where. Simple life.

Gosh... I am starting to isolate myself again.. or am I already always isolating myself.. ahhh nevermind, not that my network is big.. have you ever think about how many in your contact list or even facebook list of friends, you will always contact with? One day I was cleaning up my phone, I realise the fact, pity huh.

I think I found myself a thing to do - to be a listener. May not be a good advisor due to my low tolerance in everything, at least there are still somebody who would want me to listen or to give advice.

I think I should stop spreading those electrons around. Big smile on the face, keep those electrons deep within, at least this will less affecting those around me. Ya I know~~emotions and mood are contagious, so beware on how you spread it. AWAS! hahahhaha

Haiya after few years later, reading back this post, peanut matter only

Signing off and continue to work laaaaa