Post nombor 12

Hello back to my abandoned wall. Suddenly thought of some things to tell "me", even after the next 5 years.

1. Stop being indecisive - in food? 

Nah.. Everything.. Guess the impact of thinking too much of every single consequences that might land on every decision I'm gonna make is the choice disorder. What if I choose this and I don't like it? What if I choose this and somebody is upset of it. Tired. Then now I'll have "I don't care la", "anything la", "I'm ok" as answer to everything. Gonna end up having tight slap on my face if I were to confess this. 

2. Sharing 

Listening is easier as everybody can talk to you. Storytelling them is the tougher one. Will they listen? Topics ignored? 

3. Traveling alone

Guess the courage of traveling alone comes from the sharing part and indecisive. If you can't do the above, why not be yourself and travel alone first?

Post nombor 11

So hard to believe that I'm not aftering the glory or fame? The "I don't care" mode is really disturbing others? Sorry if I hurt anyone.

But after what I've experienced long time ago, what's the point of chasing something when you could have spend a lil more time caring the one around you even just a simple line. I bet some would say it's all about how you manage your time to manage it.  

I do have things to go after, but not career. I care more in the people around me after I've realized fame is not everything. Studying hard, get excellent good grades, so?

Probably that time was too young. But knowing the fact behind the story struck me. Realizing she's away from school, thought it's just a normal sick leave like she used to have. After exams, I was told what had happened and that she had requested the others not to inform me as she knew that I was having exams, did not want to disturb me. Such thoughtful of her at such young age. 

Too late for the planned visit and never knew msn was the last conversation we had. It ended with me asking where's she since there's no response. From then onwards, I lost a friend, a sister although we've known just less than two years. I still had the watch she put on my wrist for my birthday. Guess she noticed that I did not have a watch. I even remembered the teacher who had commented cold heartedly on the loud cries of my other friend after hearing the announcement of her departure. Tears just can't stop dropping. 

Most people have moved on but it impacted me a lot. What if the moment you get closer to someone and the person is gone. In my dictionary, there's no such thing as good friend or best friend. Friend is friend, why differentiate? Categorizing it under best friend will make me have the feeling of scared of losing someone. It hurts a lot.

Post nombor 10

Greater power comes with greater responsibilities, and also greater time spent on you know.. Screw the pessimism. Not supposed to spread around the electrons, conceal it and let it out some where, not to people around you as it'll demotivate them somehow. 

Had a rough week last week and higher level of pressure from every corner. Can't stop the hot tears rushing out. Nah.. I'm Strong on the outside as perceived by others but Strong on the outside won't put food on your table. Mentally should be strong as well. I'm Controlling hard now and finding ways of releasing it at the right way.

Been stoning there since the evening, emotionless while driving, finding the right channel for the right song that suits my mood, tired till the extent of lazy to let the gold in my mouth to spill out.

I need to think what's in me that I want to see myself as.

Post nombor 9

Start to get sick. Not the kind of sick where you will need to lie down on the bed. It's practically the part where you want to just stay out of their game of life. Sadly to say, we will need to go through this in life.
 
Want to know how that human is like? A simple game that involved a team can show part of it. Let's say each of them wanting to prove themselves to be the one standing out in the team, you can kiss goodbye to the winning. Supposingly there's a plan for the team, striving to win all of it together. And this game is not a performance to show what YOU are good at, it's the stage for "you all" to show what you have to work things out as a team to make it shine.

Ok done with my short comprehensive essay. Just a thought of the past week.

 

Post nombor 8

Will this affect us? The thing that I have been avoiding all this 3 years - job performance review. It's not that I want to know how have I been doing cz I know what should I be rated, it's the process that we have to go through to fight for ourselves like mad.

Is recognition really really that important? I just want to stay low. This year, would need to fight for the team, no choice as people seems to put a lot of faith and competition on each of us to fight.

But it seems like it is drifting away, slowly tearing the team spirit on this, I rather just put a stop on this. I seriously can see this will be a start to create more unnecessary issues, unpleasant ones. I will fight if it won't cause any of those negative things to happen.

I seriously don't like the feeling.

Post nombor 7

I think something did triggered me last time to have this choice disorder~named it myself.

Don't know what or when or how but I am still afraid of making choices, giving answers, especially not knowing what the choice that you have made will lead you to, or how it will even affect you or others. As the higher you're at, the more responsibilities laid on your shoulders, the more decisions laid on your hands, tick tock tick tock waiting for you to decide own and other's outcome.

Don't like this feeling. What if you made others life worse. Feel the insecure... =(

Post nombor 6

Gloomy Sunday.

Suddenly I find no purpose in life. Eat, work, sleep. Routine things. No other things? Sad case. My friend was like telling me, don't we have other friends? Erm I don't know. My Social network is like this small, showing her the handful sign. 

Wanted to pass for my exam but I'm not studying. Study to fail or fail to study? Nowadays that piece of paper worth a lot. Maybe? What's after passing the paper? Question marks

Find targets and start achieving. 

To travel overseas at least twice a year with the money earned.

To buy a car since my car is gonna be my brother's soon.